I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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