Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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