Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
