M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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