Already got asked if we're dating
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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