I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
