yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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