I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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