Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
