i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this hospital has no fireball
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
