i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
