I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
