it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
