i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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