I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
