you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
