Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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