i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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