And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
