Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize