To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
