This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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