p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
