He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize