I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
