You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
