my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
