my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
