why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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