Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize