Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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