I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
