six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
