you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize