Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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