TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
