hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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