im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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