LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
