He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
