This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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