Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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