i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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