I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
