You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just google imaged poop.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
