did you get engaged???
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
