Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
