so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
