Whod you bang
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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