Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
