the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize