Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
