Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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