so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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