so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
