Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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