Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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