I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize