i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
