And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
