i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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