You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
