I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
