just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
