I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
